Why is it harder to share our wins?
I’ve had a lot of wins lately. I’ve also been really quiet.
Every time I pick up my phone and open social media, or glance at the reminder on my calendar to write a blog post, something stops me.
Is it that I want to savor the moments and have some of the successes to myself? Maybe.
Is it the fear of “the other shoe dropping” and looking foolish? Also a solid maybe.
Is it the fear of looking like a braggart/selfish human/celebrating my wins when so many are suffering? DEFINITELY.
It really wasn’t until yesterday that I realized I have been holding back on sharing because there’s a piece of me that feels guilty for my successes.
It is also in this place that I meet myself and realize that what I am living right now, likely wouldn’t be under the “accomplished” section of my life without other women (and men) who showed up and owned their successes and allowed me to see what’s possible.
I distinctly remember going to a fellow coach’s rental house once. It was nicer than any place I’d lived in the city, and I was in awe. As I left that afternoon, filled with inspiration, I walked by a sign on their neighbor’s fence. It was a “For Rent” sign for a similar unit, and I saw the price. I was in shock. Who would pay that much for a place to live?? - that was my immediate narrative. I couldn’t even imagine… I left that day and went home and shared it with my husband who was equally as flabbergasted. After a few minutes though, we moved on in our lives.
Fast forward almost 7 years, and I just moved into my absolute dream duplex apartment. Here’s the real kicker: it’s 25% more than that apartment I thought I could never afford.
Here’s some of the work that went into that transformation:
THERAPY! if you don’t have a therapist- you need one. We need it anyway, but after the last 2.5 years of collective trauma and unrest, you have shit in there that you’re likely working out on the people you love most. Therapy gives you a safe space to work through it without hurting the people around you.
COACHING!! Obviously, I am going to yell this one from the rooftops! Getting coaching CHANGED MY LIFE. Our stories are so far in there that often we don’t even realize they exist. We NEED someone to help us uncover them- and then more importantly RE-WRITE them. Now, as a coach myself, bearing witness to how powerful this space is and what a catalyst for positive change it is, I am so freaking proud and happy. Seeing my clients success pumps me up and motivates ME to keep going too. It’s a beautiful dance.
HARD CONVERSATIONS! My husband and I, my friends and I, my family members and I… strangers I meet over a cocktail… I have learned to face my fear of letting people down, and to hold strong to my truth, while leaving them space for theirs. (please note this doesn’t apply to any discrimination) Some days are easier than others. Some days, holding my truth looks like a boundary instead of a conversation, but being willing to get in the mud has made me a better person, and a more successful one.
MOVING MY BODY- Just before the pandemic, I was making enough money to get a Peloton bike (if I paid it in monthly payments). That bike changed the way I think about movement. It might sound cheesy, but it changed my life. One of the biggest lessons I learned over my 2.5 year journey with moving more, is that how we show up for ourselves is how we will show up in the world. If you’re not giving yourself the gift of movement, you’re not going to be able to show up as your best.
BOUNDARIES- Holy shit are these important! You won't get it right all the time. Let’s just put that out there right away. Guess what? It’s still worth it! Boundaries don’t always look like explicitly stating them to the person you plan to hold them with; sometimes, a boundary is choosing to simply not engage. Sometimes, a boundary is saying what you need WITHOUT THE QUALIFIER. Sometimes, a boundary is simply saying “no thank you”. Often, when we start this process, we go really hot out of the gate- better this than never having any. Start this journey today- regardless of age or circumstances- your mind and your body will thank you.
MAKING UP MY MIND! About a year ago, I listened to Jen Sincero’s book “You Are a Badass at Making Money” for about the 20th time. Something she said struck me in the head. She said, if you want to make more money, you have to make yourself “officially unavailable for anything else”. I wrote in my journal the next morning that this was my declaration. While I couldn’t go out and quit my job, I could do research and have an informed conversation with my employer about what I deserved to be paid based on my experience… I could negotiate a higher title… I could interview for 20- yes 20- jobs over the next year and a half, and value MYSELF enough to say no to the things that didn’t fit my parameters. THIS IS SCARY STUFF. I wasn’t perfect. I doubted myself so many times. But I kept showing up.
So, yeah, the last couple of months, my life has taken BIG STRIDES for the better. Navigating all of these blessings and manifestations against the tapestry of my grief from losing Doc has been one of the most complex, strange, awe-inspiring, spiritual, hard, and amazing things I have lived through to date.
Change is not easy- but mediocrity is so much harder.
I promise to keep sharing more here. To show up for my success so that maybe you will be sharing yours too, and we can continue to pave a path for those walking just behind us.
My mantra lately has been “I’m safe, they’re safe, it is safe to be seen.”
Success and expansion make us more visible. With the right tools, you will be ready.
Keep going. I love you.
Emilie <3
