Be soft with you.

Good morning!

We are now solidly 14 days into a new calendar year. This time of year is filled with many of us rushing to “make ourselves better”. I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting on these ideas this year. What does it mean to “make” yourself better, versus “allowing” ourselves to show up in an embodied way?

This year, 4 years into being a coach, and 37 years into this human experience, I have felt a loud calling to shift my growth in this direction; and to share it with anyone out there.

I spend so many sessions listening to my clients beat themselves up for not getting there fast enough, or lamenting that their growth isn’t “as good as it could be”. This is the trap. It’s one of the myths that the self-help community (unfortunately) can sometimes tend to prey on. There’s always another guru to tell you how many ways you need to change, and how quickly you need to do it. Often offering no account of history or privilege into the mix. It’s exhausting right?

Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE self-development. I am always striving to improve the way I show up in the world. AND- the longer I exist in this space, the more I see the need for softness. We are, after all, humans. We are not robots that can be programmed instantly. Our “computers” (ie, brains) work differently. We have to UN-program the old stories that don’t serve us first. Only then, can we start to replace that programming with the next iteration/ascension/version of ourselves.

So many of us are running around trying to change things about ourselves, solely based on what the outer world’s messaging is. Lately, I’ve been wondering why we aren’t spending more time on integration and embodiment, and less on “better, faster, stronger”?. Trust me, I’ve been in the latter camp for most of my life, and it has served a purpose for me. I also know it leads to burnout. It might take 30 years to get there, but you will arrive at burnout if this is your only method.

SO- what does softness look like? How can we show up in this space with ourselves more frequently? How can we give ourselves credit for all the ways we have grown, or are showing up? (hint: these are great journal prompts to explore.)

My personal opinion?

Acceptance is where we start. So many of us are squeezing ourselves into other people’s definitions of success, growth, abundance, etc… Accepting yourself starts with noticing. Noticing how you feel when you are setting goals; noticing how your body feels when someone tells you “what you should be going after” (current messaging included, by the way.)

Honoring that piece of us is the almighty key to unlocking the first level of embodiment.

Where can you stop forcing and start allowing?

What feels good in your body when you think about it?

For me, a lot of this lesson has come in louder and clearer this last year. I pushed HARD. I got a lot accomplished and it was amazing to see that at the end of the year. What really hit was after that, when I slowed down though. I started to realize, so much of my life has been in response to what others think, see, feel, etc., but not-so-much what I think, see, and feel. I started to realize that my body was asking me for rest. That she was asking me not to beat myself up if I didn’t get to everything on my list that day. The truth is- it’s pretty rare that we are going to get to put a nice neat little bow on every day (or even every week, for that matter.) What I can do is take note. Where can I push and where do I need to rest today? What will serve my highest good in my actions today? Those are great places to start. Sometimes, for me, that means a drink and some cheese with my friends. Sometimes it means a PEMF session and a green juice. Sometimes it means a nap. Sometimes, it means allowing myself to mentally take the day off from the checklist, knowing it will be there tomorrow, and sometimes it means pushing through that list knowing that I will feel free on the other side. Whatever it means for you, is up to you.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is, perfection isn’t necessary.

in fact, I would argue that striving for it (which is my typical baseline, if I’m being honest) often cuts us off from the very growth and abundance we are looking, so desperately, for.

When we can step back, observe, and ask ourselves- “what do I need today in order to wake up tomorrow as my best self?”, that’s where some of the magic happens. It’s a snowball effect, not a light-switch.

Small actions, that feel aligned, trusting the process. That’s how we get to where we want to go.

Be soft.

I love you.

Keep going. <3